i'm going to make a private tumblr because this is too accessible ha bye

sad and mad and sick of so many people

I'm sitting up in bed and it's 1:13am and I've been making a mix tape for about 6 hours (yet it's still average) and right inside this very exact moment, I'm feeling alright. As a general however, things are bad. I can't really decide who is to blame in this situation but I know that I feel dreadful as a constant - which is never even a good thing. I wish I could put as much passion as Connor Orbest puts into music into anything in the world. Some of these beautiful new friends in my life make me so happy and thankful and other nice things. I like eradicating all need for secrets and sharing things liberally and having a good time overall. I also have the nicest boyfriend in this entire galaxy Ooh I forgot i was writing this and it's now 2:07am and I'm having trouble burning the disk but it will probably be alright soon! This post is of no use. I might write a letter to Tat soon.

You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.

Things are often too much and I get really frightened. The last few days have been moderately terrifying for this exact reason. I have explained to my mother in the past, but will proceed to contain that I feel her emotions in a second hand and accentuated fashion. If she is feeling even slightly unhappy, I feel really down and confused and dreadful. So when she enters these terrifying bouts of desperation and depression, there is nothing that can stop me from in turn spiralling downwards in an awful, awful misadventure of sadness. This may be read as an entirely selfish way of looking at things; and I can present the assurance that it's not how I look at things entirely - it is solely one morsel of explanation for my terrible mood unbalance that has developed/unfolded in the immediately recent past.

Also I feel distanced from the friends that should be the closest to me and I think I've known of this for an extended amount of time - and am just coming to this realisation now.

In other news however, Bob is lovely and this weekend should maybe possibly be alright.

ITDCT

I feel really quite happy and I'm just hoping so much that everything will go according to plan this evening. Everything is strange and nice and I'm in bed and can't really feel anything and tonight I'm going to wear my new shoes and dance a lot.

I make a blog every year

And this is my blog for this year. I already hate it.